Pre-blog
All golfers know how depressing golf can get sometimes but as a young golfer who had dreamt of one day playing at a high level, I never knew how it could work the other way. I never thought, one day I might not be able to play this sport ever again and I certainly didn't think that day would be coming as soon as it did.
Whilst at University studying Golf Management, life was good. Playing golf nearly 4 times a week, learning all the ins and outs of golf to potentially go on and work in the industry. However, I was always slightly different to all the others there, I was living with and sometimes battling RA in my knees and later on my hips. This put pay to doing what i considered normal people doing, running, jogging, bending, kneeling and sometimes even walking. Not ideal for a 19/20 year old Golfer.
I still managed my game though and played in BUCS league Golf team and played once a week. But eventually it came to a point where I couldn't do this anymore either. 2012, I was lucky enough to work at The Olympic Games as a security officer. Something again, tablets and pain management got me through. I was determined not to let it stop me doing what I wanted to do.
In 2013, I dropped out of University sighting illness and inability to get to lectures and not being able to study. Something I still massively regret, only 3 months before finals. But by now it really had got hold of my body, I felt like a 60 year old body had been put on my 22 year old mind. Little was I aware at the time but this was now starting to play on my mind and effect who I was a a a person and my mental health started to deteriate without any awareness from me or anyone around me. I felt lost, everything I had worked towards, lost, waste of time, finished. I was now on job seekers and had no hope for a stable future.
Halloween 2014, the day of days. Now I have RA in my hips, knees and shoulder. Also Ankylosing Spondylitis in my back. Not one day in last 6 months had been pain free, taking painkillers and other tablets like smarties every day. Job seekers was a source of income and now had just had my first child, in June 2014. Job seekers sign on day, went badly. No payment, no money. In the middle of a massive gambling addiction that had me Lieing and deceiving All who were near to me. Just didn't see myself as being worthy of anyone's time or this earths air. Thought, why bother and put myself in front of a moving car. From which, something happened in my mind that suddenly have me a reason. My small daughters smile just shone through my mind in the deepest darkest moments and made me change my mind at the last minute. I thought, what life would I leave for her, what could her mum say to her when she grows up and asks where is Daddy? I couldn't do that to her! I hospitalised myself and stayed there for 2 days, talking to the professionals and making choices and getting everything off my chest!
The releif was instant and all my family and friends all understood without too much explanation and they instantly saw a change in me. This was the start of the new me.
March 2015. Attend my first disabled golf event. Talking about eating humble pie. I couldn't believe what people were putting themselves through or managing with to just play golf. Arm less, legs missing, MS, etc. And I was moaning because i either ache all over or have a lot of pain in a couple of joints.
I played reasonably well and carried it on through the year. Playing 10 more events I qualified in the top 10 in the order of merit to represent my country and also played British Open and UK Open and came in top 5 each time. I am now looking at my 2016 season with optimism, great big plans to conquer Europe and also plan my way towards Paralympic Golf.
Thanks to Ashley for his words and picture
